This site seems like a waste of time now that I'm playing WoW...which I admit is a fucking retarded game with no value at all and an even worse waste of time, but it sucks you in and made me neglect sleep for 14 hours without food. It's actually a good workout now that I'm 5"8 123 from about 128 a week ago. Only bad thing is that my parents think I'm anorexic now that I'm so addicted that I've lost 5 more pounds from a lack of food.

Basically what I'm trying to say it WoW's psychological impact makes you feel like this:

WoW>sleep>water>food>Newgrounds>produc tivity>black people. 5 hours seems like 1 hour.

So I resume my life of being unregarded, pissed off, a little fucked up in the head, and am perceived as an ultra-horny goth who likes eating rabbits, wearing black in 100+ degree temperatures and who looks practically anorexic (<--at least that's what some people say). I'm going nowhere, have fewer and fewer friends by the month, and am even more numb as time goes on. Yet I don't care. I just want my life to move along as fast as possible and do everything in my power to get back at everyone I resent. Sounds lame, I know, but I I'm realizing how much passive aggression I have.

And I think I might be 80% gay now. Only one girl means anything at all to me emotionally now, and every day we grow farther apart as I desperately pursue any hope of pleasing her when I know it's totally hopeless in the end as the fact is that she'll never love me the way that I love her. And even in porn, which I rarely even watch anymore seems totally un-fullfilling unless it's fetishized as hell. Yet when I talk to guys I'm attracted to, my thoughts are rarely sexual and I actually get feeling beyond my cock. Yet I know it's also hopeless, as I either come off to strong with my overzealousness in trying to please people in general, or I just get people to think I'm serial killer with the total silence and rage-ridden glares, or just so awkward that I'm not really worth talking to, especially with the agonizingly long silence which has made me shy away from talking to most people. I don't have a problem with being completely isolated anymore, however.

Every day I just look back at who I once was and let out a big sigh about how pathetic, weak, annoying, belligerent, sensitive, happy, optimistic, and hopeful I once was. If I could go back in time about a year I'd dropkick myself.

And now summer school. Hooray. I'm surrounded by a bunch of fucking morons who try to act ghetto and stupid conceited Mexican girls who seriously need to lose 20 pounds before they think they can wear tight pants. The black people there are beyond stereotypical. The ghetto girl that sits next to me needs to discover what personal space is, the next time she lunges across my lap. The other black guys have enormous lips, drink grape soda, and one was wearing a Kool-Aid shirt yesterday. I half expect them to bring a watermelon tomorrow.

I know what this blog is going to generate. Endless posts of "kill yourself, emo" if anyone even sees it. But I don't care. I'm not going to any time soon, and I've thought it over clearly in the past. And I'm practically numb to people's perceptions of me as long as it does not interfere with my personal desires. I'll just pray to Hell that you're gang raped by rhinos with acid-coated AIDs-flavored baseball bats. And what are the desires I have left? Nothing. I don't even know. I don't even care. The only thing that gives me a rush anymore is adrenaline, rage, caffeine, horniness (which seems to be dulling), or imagining killing someone I hate in the most personal ways I can imagine. And every day regard for peoples feeling fades from me. I don't want or need any pity, or attention, either. This is just a vent which I'll probably add more to over time.

The only reason I live is that I'm incapable of doing it not out of fear, but the fact that I know that it would harm way too people around me. Not that I like many in particular, but I'm not that evil. Just darker than before.

So yeah, let the "kill yourself emo" posts commence. I won't even delete them or respond. Doesn't even have anything to do with what I've written. Of course, by saying that, a bunch of retards will post it anyway with the thought in their head that they're witty.

ALSO:

Added this part after a few weeks on July 7th.

Anyone find it insanely sad and pathetic that our forums are just going to shit? why? Here are my reasons:

1. Mods ban fun. It's why Kim Possible Hentai and Yoink were deleted. It's why mods bad things like MyMiniCity in sigs.

2. Political correctness...on NewGrounds.

We're not allowed to call eachother fags or anything considered racist. What, you're afraid of being sued by the NAACP? I'm not asking for this place rto become a KKK safe-haven, but when teenaged males can't even call eachother fags so the true fags like myself don't get offended, something is wrong with Newgrounds. His is home of Seal Clubbing and V-tech massacre and a ton of flashes making fun of 9/11, yet I can't call some illiterate 12 year old dipshit who Satan knows how he found this site a fag.

3. Made up rules. Endless lists of unlisted rules, yet there are a few dozen ones even listed. You can get banned for anything, anytime, by any mod for any reason, and nothing will ever be done to them. Care to complain? You get the retarded and unoriginal lameduck response of "WELL U CAN LEAVE IF U DUN'T LIEK IT11!!!". How about all of you fucktard mods leave instead of banning anyone here to have a good time? They also seriously need to have their necks bitten open and a vaccuum hose shoved up their ass if they think NewGrounds is supposed to be a mature place for adults. HAHAHAHA!!!!!!! That's even more pathetic than what I'm ranting about. What fucktards over 18 come to NewGrounds to have intelligent and mature discussions with others except for those in the politics forum? This is a forum with teenage males who are overtly horny mental fuckups that spout 4chan memes. It's the opposite of intelligence.

4. Fags.

5. Black people. This is my blog. You mods are powerless.

6. asdffdg